Saturday, January 24, 2009

A Chocolate Affair

Reports are coming from the department of Huehuetenango of an unfortunate event which took place this last week. Information is still a bit hazy, but here are the facts:

The victim was a 8 month old, dual core processor, 4GB RAM, 250 GB hard drive, 13.3¨gateway laptop. It´s model number is being withheld pending notification of next of kin. The culprit in this most regrettable of incidents is said to be a 150 gram bar of ¨Cote D´or - Noir de Noir¨ (roughly translates to: expensive as hell) Belgian Chocolate. For the protection of the rest of David´s electronics, the chocolate was preventively consumed in its entirety to avoid future mishaps. What follows is a cautionary tale of the dangers of chocolate to our modern way of life.

So the other day I was enjoying some of the afore mentioned fine Belgian Chocolates my mother sent me during lunch. I was also watching an episode of Band of Brothers, which I got in my last package from home. At some point, I became distracted and moved on to do something else in my house. I´m not exactly sure how it happened, but a piece of fine, expensive, delicious Belgian chocolate was left on my laptop, right by the mousepad.

Not suspecting there was a piece of cocoa deliciousness on my laptop, I closed the lid and went back to work, the whole seven steps away from the front door of my house. When I returned after work, I decided to go visit the local internet café in order to finish downloading a movie I got from Itunes.

You can imagine my surprise when I opened my relatively new, and very well preserved (until now at least) laptop to find a brown pool of muck all over the front. I honestly did not know what it was for the first few seconds. My first thought should have been ¨Oh crap, there goes my laptop, tool I use for my work daily, giver of entertainment in the form of dvd playage and music reproducing, link to the modern world!.¨But honestly, my first thought was ¨Damn, I didn´t eat that chocolate? How´d it get away?!?¨

I´d be lying to you if I said I didn´t consider eating the melted chocolate off my plastic protective sheet-covered laptop´s deck. But common sense and the horrified stares of the other patrons at the internet café stopped me from saving what I could of this sticky situation.

A confused face and a offer to pay her cold quetzal cash convinced a nearby food vendor to facilitiate some napkins, which only did a so-so job of slopping up the mess. Unfortunately, a very snazzy dress shirt I was wearing, as well as the handkerchief I was carrying at the time were victims of the cleanup. Doctor´s listed their conditions as stable, but still horribly stained with dark chocolate. Their outlooks for recovery look grim.

Luckily, the piece of quite expensive equipment has kept functioning until this moment (fingers crossed). It did get some chocolate mashed between the screen edge and the frame, which is a bit troubling, but like I said, so far so good. Also I´m pretty sure my media card reader is kaput as it´s pretty much jammed full of 56% cocoa beans from papau new guinea.

All in all a scary experience from which I have extrapolated the following moral. If you got the chocolate, don´t futz around and eat it all at once, or your pc may be the one to enjoy it for you.

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